So it’s been about five months since I’ve posted anything on this little ‘ole blog. I went through one of those major writer’s funks where I thought every time I put my fingers to the keyboard the only thing that came out was a jumbled boring mess. Not that I’ve gotten over that fully but I’ve been feeling the nudge to write again and somehow I ended up here, on my old blog.
It’s been a wild ride these past 11 months in Philly. Lots of downs but also many ups that I am experiencing now.
There were many reasons I moved to Philly: a job offer, love for this city that I had visited but never lived in, a four year relationship that was suffering from the tolls of long distance. I didn’t want to admit it at the time but the main reason was really the relationship.
Well just a month ago that relationship ended, after five years. It was mutual, amicable, and necessary. We both knew things had run their course and that we really should have taken this step long before but it was still a shocking thing to experience.
Even though it was the best thing for both of us I was flooded with the whole gamut of emotion for days, angry one second, crying the next, reminiscent the next. As I waded through the muck of these emotions I moaned to my friends that I just didn’t want to feel anything. But a dear friend reminded me the importance of inviting emotions in to our lives and having coffee with them, asking them how they are feeling. Then she shared this with me:
The Guest House by Rumi
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Emotions are so important, they make us understand things more fully, help us grow, make us open, teach us lessons. And it’s hard to remember that emotions are not either good or bad, right or wrong, but, rather, it is our reactions that are. All emotions deserve their time at our front door and a nice cup of coffee at the table of our hearts, no matter how unwelcome we want to make them.
At this moment the emotional guest at my house is empowerment and happiness. I feel like my adult life is just beginning at 24 and I feel so hopeful about the future. I have not felt this happy in a long time and I often ask myself if it is ok to feel this good. Of course the answer is yes! So I’m letting these emotions unpack their bags and stay for a while. I must say I’m enjoying their visit.