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You can’t live with them, you can’t live without them. No, I’m not referring to significant others but to words.

Little black lines on white paper have both the power to release and imprison my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I am utterly reliant on words to give meaning and validity to how I feel and this truth is all the more painful when I’m in the midst of a writer’s block (In fact, I’ve been in this state for over a month. My writer’s block has now had children and built itself a wall of blocks).

Leave it to Regina Spektor to make the loss of words sound so poetic:
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“It’s like forgetting the words to your favorite song.
You can’t believe it; you were always singing along.
It was so easy and the words so sweet.
You can’t remember; you try to feel the beat.”
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For some time now I’ve felt like I’ve forgotten the lyrics to my own song and I’ve been desperately trying to recall the words. There is little as frustrating as losing yourself so I’m trying to feel the pulse, the beat of life in those moments when I cannot find the words.

My new cube mate doesn’t even have to speak and still her presence is enough for me to feel the joy of human interaction.

My boyfriend reaches over to link his fingers through mine and the love resonating in that grasp speaks volumes.

I stand overlooking the East River and the waves lapping at the shore let me know they are still following the earth’s rhythms though I seem to have lost my own.

A child babbles in church, happily clutching at her mom’s finger, content though her worldview consists of ankles and the edges of pews.

The flower on my window sill turns its face to the find the sun, no one has to tell it to, it can just feel it.

The sun itself has a pulse, rising and falling each day regardless of what the clouds choose to do.

Even the subway finds its beat as it rumbles along from station to station, giving little notice to the people bustling in and out its doors.
These rhythms both human-made and earth-made exist whether words send them into motion or not. Somehow they make words seem like unnecessary, even silly, things that blow away with the wind. I need to stop trying so hard to rediscover myself or re-find my words but, instead, to give my words up to the wind and let the beat of life find me again.

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